I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
We had sex on a dog bed..
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
