i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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