Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
