Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
