and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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