i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
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