we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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