i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
