im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
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