So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
