well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
