I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
