do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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