just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
