I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
