NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
