Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
