I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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