Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
