I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
