Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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