If you die in college, do you die in real life?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
