The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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