she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
