Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
