Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize