well he's currently spooning the coffee table
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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