fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
