Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
