I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
