No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
