Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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