All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
