Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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