is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I am available for nakedness
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
