imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
