How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
