Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
