Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
