Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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