Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
