Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
