And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
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