It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
