Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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