Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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