Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Watching her eat just hurts me
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
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