At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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