It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
