coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
