guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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