wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
